What Not to Say to Someone With an Eating Disorder

Eating Disorders

Knowing what not to say to someone with an eating disorder can feel just as important as knowing what to say. Even comments that come from a caring place can land the wrong way, especially when they touch on weight, food, or appearance. If someone in your life is struggling, a few small shifts in how you talk to them can make it easier for them to feel supported rather than watched or judged.

Need immediate assistance? Text us: 416-907-9013 or fill out our form to start a conversation.

Things Not to Say to Someone With an Eating Disorder

Comments About Their Appearance

Phrases like “you look so healthy now” or “you look great, have you lost weight” seem harmless, but they put the focus right back on appearance and weight. For someone with an eating disorder, comments like this can be read as a measure of their worth or their progress, even when that is not the intention.

Comments About Food or Eating Habits

Saying things like “just eat something” or “I wish I had your willpower” oversimplifies what is actually a complex mental health condition. Eating disorders are not about willpower or a lack of trying, and comments that frame them that way can make someone feel less understood, not more.

Comparisons to Other People

Lines like “at least you’re not as sick as so and so” or comparing someone’s eating habits to another person’s are rarely helpful. Recovery is not a competition, and comparisons like this can minimise what someone is actually going through.

Pressure or Ultimatums

Statements like “you need to just stop” or “why can’t you just get better” put pressure on someone in a way that rarely leads anywhere good. Recovery is not something a person can will themselves into on command, and language like this can add shame on top of what they are already carrying.

What to Say to Someone With an Eating Disorder Instead

Knowing what to say to someone with an eating disorder often comes down to keeping the focus on them as a person, not on food, weight, or appearance. A few starting points:

“I’m here for you, whatever you need.”
“I’ve noticed you seem to be struggling. Do you want to talk about it?”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I just want to support you.”
“Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?”

These kinds of comments open a door without pushing someone through it. They let the person decide how much to share and when.

How to Support Someone With an Eating Disorder

Supporting someone with an eating disorder is less about finding the perfect words and more about consistency. A few ways to show up well:

Listen without trying to fix things right away
Avoid commenting on their body, their plate, or their portions, even in passing
Ask how they would like to be supported instead of assuming
Be patient. Recovery is rarely a straight line
Encourage professional support without forcing the conversation

Eating Disorder Dos and Don’ts: A Quick Reference

Do:

Ask open ended questions
Let them lead the conversation
Check in regularly, even briefly
Respect their boundaries around food talk

Don’t:

Comment on weight or appearance, positive or negative
Offer unsolicited diet or nutrition advice
Compare their experience to anyone else’s
Use guilt or ultimatums to push change

Frequently Asked Questions

What should you never say to someone with an eating disorder?

Avoid any comments about their weight, appearance, or food choices, even ones meant as compliments. These comments tend to reinforce the focus on body and food rather than supporting the person underneath it.

What is the best way to support someone with an eating disorder?

Consistent, judgement free support goes further than advice. Listening, checking in, and encouraging professional help without pressure tends to work best.

Is it okay to bring up eating disorder recovery directly?

Yes, as long as it is done gently and without pressure. Letting the person guide how much they want to share usually leads to a better conversation.

How EatWell Supports Teens and Adults With Eating Disorders

EatWell works with both teens and adults, recognising that eating disorders can develop at different life stages and often need different types of support depending on age. Younger clients may need care that involves family, school, or caregivers, while adults often need support that fits around work, relationships, and daily responsibilities. Treatment is adjusted accordingly, but the goal stays the same: helping each person build a healthier relationship with food and their body over time.

Eating Disorders EatWell Treats

Anorexia nervosa
Bulimia nervosa
Binge eating disorder
Disordered eating
Refeeding program
Hospital waitlist
Group parent support: Emotion-focused family therapy
ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder)
OSFED (other specified feeding or eating disorder)

EatWell’s Approach to Eating Disorder Recovery

Recovery looks different for everyone, so care at EatWell starts with understanding the person, not just the diagnosis. Each treatment plan is shaped around medical history, eating patterns, and the specific challenges someone is facing, with input from a team of eating disorder specialists including doctors, dietitians, and therapists working as a team rather than in separate silos.

The approach centres on addressing the physical, nutritional, and emotional sides of an eating disorder together. That might mean medical monitoring alongside nutrition counselling, or therapy that works through the thoughts and behaviours keeping the disorder in place.

Progress is tracked and plans are adjusted as needed, since recovery is rarely a straight line. For teens, this can also include involving family members so support continues outside of appointments.

Getting Support With an Eating Disorder at EatWell in Toronto

If you or someone you care about is dealing with an eating disorder, getting support sooner rather than later tends to make recovery easier. EatWell offers in-person care in Toronto for those who prefer face to face appointments, along with virtual care available across the rest of Canada. There is no waitlist and no referral needed, so care can start as soon as you are ready!